Elliot Smith (In Memory)

'Drink up baby, stay up all night
The things you could do, you won't but you might
The potential you'll be, that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make

Drink up baby with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
Do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away
The images stuck in your head'

The song stuck in my head for days, I heard it when I took a night walk, when I lied on bed, when I was drunk and even when I took the daily crap. As if, he knew how I felt. I was, I still am, on the verge of throwing up from the whole boring routine one can possibly attached to. I need something new, something exciting, something that can make me goes "Bitching!!"

Last night, I got pissed drunk for 'God knows how many times'. The cheap wine really kicked in, especially when you combine it with empty tummy. It's the first time I started drinking when the sun is still up since ages. I felt great. Alcohol always relaxes me, without fail.

Anyway, few hours later, I still continued sipping my drinks, only now I was amongst the 'Muscle Maries' and the 'Banci Salon'. The view and the attitude bored me so I started hitting the empty dance floor, with a ciggie on my right and booze on my left. The dance floor felt so cold. The ray of lights made me dizzy, the music began to hurt my ears. I could sensed all eyes staring at me. Stares so sharp it cuts my self-esteem into six. I closed my eyes and forced myself to keep on moving my legs, my limbs, my whole body, trying to ignore them. Suddenly, the music faded and I heard some familiar voice appearing.

'Drink up baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars where I'm seeing you
There with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
Where I like you the best and keep things you forgot'

Suddenly I could sense a body moving besides me, I opened my eyes unwillingly and a guy with familiar look smiling at me. Elliot!! Fuck no. It's my ex, Mattie.

"Hey babe, how are you?" he said.
I smiled and offered him my drink and closed my eyes back.

"Drink up baby stay up all night, the things you could do, you won't but you might..."
He began to sing along with me.
"It's so sad isn't it?" he cut suddenly.
I was kinda upset.
"What's so sad?"
"Elliot!"
"What about Elliot?"
"He killed himself, don't you know that?"
"What?? You kidding me, aren't you?"
"It was on the news few weeks ago. He stabbed himself on the chest."
After that, everything kinda swirled and moved around.
Then, blank.
Blank.
Still blank.

"You know I miss you..."
"Huh? What?"
Big pause.
"Up yours, Matt!"
Another pause.

Then I felt my arms being pulled away.
It was Lola.
"Let's go home dear."
So I followed.

'People you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still'